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Giff Head’s Rachael Ray Birthday Adventure

How to Be Giff Head

What’s up, shitheads?

Yeah, you thought you’d heard the last of me, but I was just out there scraping up the last of the Suite101 ‘tang out there. Damn, those are some desperate bitches right now.

What happened to your keyword optimization, baby? Here’s a couple of keywords for you – “cleveland steamer“. See if you can work that into an article, for me, huh?

I’d optimize that right all over your face.

I’m just droppin’ by to laugh at all you babies crying in the forums because you lost your jobs. Boo-hoo. Now you can’t write more crap to get in the way of my interweb pr0n.

Can’t stick around too long, because I got a birthday party to go to.

Who’s party you ask?

Well, first off all it’s none of your fuckin’ business, but i’ll give you a hint – smell my finger…..

Aaaah yeah, just a hint of EVOO….

You catch a whiff of that? Yum-O!!!

Shit no, I ain’t gonna tell you what she’s like in the sack. You Demand Studios losers ain’t fit to lick her taint.

You’ll have to satisfy yourselves with one of her “buddies”. For the dudes, you could try to dry hump Louisa Shafia, while, for the ladies, I hear that the Hot Carl from Josh Ozersky comes highly recommended.

That’s enough for me. Just wanted to drop by and tell you guys how much you suck.


10 comments to Giff Head’s Rachael Ray Birthday Adventure

  • Track Record (Not)

    By the way, I’ve been noticing eHow and other DM sites are showing up in my searches again and a new iteration of Panda is out. Will Giff, Patrick and the rest choke on their own bile if eHow bounces back up for Q3 this year?

    Nah… they’ll go back to conspiracy theories and slanted stock “analysis.” We’re more likely to see hell freeze over, or Page1News tell a straight, truthful story about anything.

    • aloevera

      I’m all for objectivity, but just because you started seeing more ehow results in your searches doesn’t mean eHow is likely to bounce back.

      First of all, if you visit eHow on a regular basis (which many DMS writers do), Google is going to artificially bump up its ranking on your computer because it installs a pernicious little cookie on your browser, and it doesn’t go away just by clearing the cookies and cache.

      Second, what are your searching for? If you are entering off-the-wall search phrases that would only appear on eHow, then yeah, eHow will be on the first page. “How to Make a Robot Out of Sardine Cans in Kentucky” anyone?

      If you really want to see where eHow stands, use a Google scraper search engine that doesn’t save search data. Type in some commonly searched for how-tos and see what you get.

      I looked up

      how to repair broken tile
      how to bake chocolate chip cookies
      how to find unclaimed money
      how to solve a linear equation


      NO eHow in the top ten. In fact, even when I use Google I don’t get eHow very often these days. I’m not convinced of a post-Panda bounce back.

  • Track Record (Not)

    This is the reason this website sucks worse than Demand Media every could. Seriously – we’re supposed to take someone’s stock, SEO or labor analysis seriously when it appears next to THIS crapola. It’s one thing when Beavis and Butthead are on your forum; it’s another when they are picking their nose on an officially sanctioned post.

    • Truth

      It is a poor attempt at humor. The writing is terrible and lacks any form of style or flare. But judging from the activity in the forums, I’m not surprised. Seriously though, it is clear at a glance that this site is thrown together cheaply, so you can’t really expect any form of quality from the content it provides.

      • Dare

        “so you can’t really expect any form of quality from the content it provides.”

        If so, DSS and little Ritchie’s Demand Studios have more in common than they might care to admit. The difference is, DSS is often entertaining while eHow resolutely sucks.

        • Truth

          You have a point there. I can’t say that either side is that bright. If DMS had any sense, they would dispute the ownership of this site based on the fact that it is utilizing a trademarked name. At the same time, if DSS had any common sense they would opt for a non-disputable name. I’m just wondering how long it will be before DMS grows a big enough brain to start dropping cookies in people’s browser that tells them who comes to this site and under what name. Honestly, it would be very easy to accomplish if they were so inclined.

          • Dare

            Who cares why anyone comes to this site? Does it matter? What possible purpose would be served if Demand Studios went on a wtch hunt to identify and, in all probability, axe the best writers this shitty company has working for them? The zombies are dumb as a sack of walnuts. They are the ones getting WEP’d.

            Insinuations that demand studios should stalk people for exercising their rights to free assembly and free speech sounds a helluva lot like fascism. demand Studios is nothing more than a suck-ass content mill created by people who temporarily figured out a way to punk Google for ad clicks.

            People at DSS are merely stating the obvious, albeit in more colorful language.

            I don’t defend everything scribbled on this site, but i defend anyone’s right to scribble as they please.

            Demand Studios Sucks. It is one of the worst purveyors of worthless shit on the Internet. Worse, they exploit writers in a bad economy, which is unforgivable.




  • Jimmy B

    Gee, usually it takes a few pages worth of stupid comments to arrive at this level of drivel. Glad to see DSS is cutting out the middleman, and without the style to boot. A lose-lose for everyone.

  • ;_;

    I’m not sure if Giff is the alternate personality of Patrick or Richard, but I’m leaning toward it being a 12 year old girl. 12 year old boy would just post titties.

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